wanted, someone to:

massage my feet in wee morning hours

replace toilet paper rolls

unclog drains and sometimes

other things

like hair traps

intestines

etc.

maybe a smattering of other household duties,

refrigerator cleaning

mildew killing

changing a small child’s pee

soaked bed sheets at probably

1am, possibly 4 if she’s

dehydrated

maybe some errands

returning library books, over-due

school pick ups

street sweeping tickets

and also most importantly: a qualified applicant

will keep me abreast of cultural capital

I want to be well read without reading

just give me the headlines, a brief synopsis

three sentences in bold face

a nice digestible slice

of societal pie

if you know someone who fits the bill

and is looking for a job

please let me know.

signed,

a lazy intellectual,

a hard working pessimist

a young and

restless beast of

a thing,

a mother

of exactly

too many to

keep it all

a-

float.