dialogue

honesty #5

……

I suppose this is my equivalent. I sent it to you once. I don’t know if this is a wedding song though. I never imagined getting married in a normal venue. But that is neither here nor there.

I posted that picture like 3 years ago and that was the caption. “Moody blue eyes”. So I responded “moody blue eyes” to anyone who responded to that story. That is just how I refer to myself as a child. Because I have blue eyes and was always moody.

I am sorry you had to read those. You now know all of my weak points. All of the vulnerabilities that lead to bad decisions. I should have been more upfront with you all along, over the past year, when I was hurt or anxious. And once it started to disintegrate, at least in my head, I should have been more upfront about having feelings for another person, before I wanted to jump ship, so that we could have worked on things first. I tried. But I know I failed. Half truths are not truths.

Conversations sounded familiar to you — although I want to note that I do not agree with this statement — because I started talking to him right after having talked to you for over three years. Haven’t you ever had a rebound? It’s like part of you is trying to recreate what you lost. Even though that is impossible.

If we ever have sex again, can you reenact how you look in this picture, when we do it, please? At some point? Complete with your chest out and that side grin thing you do.

You are a beautiful creature.

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