dialogue, lists

The Liz Quiz

When making a decision, ask yourself…

  1. What does your body say?Ā my body wants sex.
  2. What does your mind say? my mind wants sex, but is hesitant to jump into sex.
  3. What does your conscience say? my conscience says I should navigate October carefully, non-committally, prioritizing integrity over desire. I also don’t want to confuse the kids, and therefore should probably not have you (or anyone, obviously) in my bed until I have a clean conscience about doing so.
  4. Is this a want or a need? this is a want.
  5. Does it have to be Nick, or could it be anyone? sex could be anyone, technically, but I am specifically imagining sex with you, and your hairy chest, and your eyes on me.

I hope you found this informative.

Thank you for this template.

JesseandJane

Now get to work on our script.

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iphone notes, lists, poetry

iPhone notes sep 12- 20

things I’ve said this week, to myself:

I want to be one of the good ones
You know about my secret everything
I want to remember you
I want to be sweet
I have a headache, do you have a headache
How are you so always yourself

Acceptable
am I acceptable
are you acceptable
are WE acceptable

//

   
   
//

The letting go of things,
it feels like:
a headache
low blood sugar
death defying
ill-fitting socks.

//

Motherhood burns through me, like 

battery acid on mid July

asphalt,

right down to 

the core.

Oh

heart of wood,

are you petrified?

//

faces.

//

“I felt around in my heart and it was not so cold or so hard.”

//

Meeting downtown 1-3
Talk to Nathanial
Make a template

//

//

West coast- Coconut records
is this song nice or annoying
decide

//

Look up curly short ish hairz  like Kiera knightly and T swift etc

//

Can I work until 6 on Thursday?

//

Things to google:
How to stay fit while “recovering”
How to deal with my crazed ovulation personality naturally
How to fix Clem’s chapped lips

//

//

things to help PMS; ovulation craziness, according to the internet:

Diindolylmethane/ DIM

spearamint tea

Magnesium

No animal products or high heat foods

Reishi mushrooms

IS THIS TRUE, RESEARCH

//

Ask JL about taking kids so I can go to San Diego on oct 3

//

I just want to be able to run again
Maybe I made a huge mistake.

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lists

a list of commands*

1. Go to bed!

2. Kiss me!

3. Get your brother off the table!

4. Put your hands on me!

5. Get me the peanut butter!

6. Make me some coffee!

7. Stop touching me!

8. Turn that up!

9. Turn that down!

10. Stay there/don’t stop!

11. Look at me!

12. Don’t look at me!

13. Leave me alone.

*the tension between myself as a mother and myself as a sexual being is so overt here now that I think about it.

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lists

a list of things currently on the floor of my car*

1. del taco wrappings

2. right shoe, size 6

3. sunflower seeds

4. empty kombucha bottle x3**

5. blueberries from maybe two, three days ago

6. baby food***

7. audio version of Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman

8. Ā one thousand crushed rice cakes

9. yoga mat, purple

10. book,Ā PinkaliciousĀ by Victoria Kann

11. favorite straw hat

12. mini soccer ball, yellow

13. receipt from del taco, separate trip from event #1

14. red and white straw, disconnected from associated cup

15. halloween pencil

16. blue crayon

17. bath toy from a del taco kids meal, a fish that squirts water

18. ice breakers gum

19. half eaten lara bar, apple pie flavor

20. tampon****

* children are disgusting. or maybe I am disgusting.

** 2 GT gingeraids and 1 Health Aid lemon-ginger

*** looks like vomit to the untrained eye

**** not used. yet.

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lists, poetry

A list of things wrong with my body

1. Tits are less perky than before*, ****

2. Hips have stretch marks*

3. Sides of my ass have scars **

4. I always want to be ten pounds less than I am***, ****

5. My nose could be daintier I suppose****

6. My hair is generally disobedient****

 

 

* side effect of having three children

** due to (previous) dull needle usage / an argument for a needle exchange program in San Diego county

*** Ā I have control / vanity issues maybe

**** I go back and forth on whether these value judgements I hold are subjective or objective but I chalk them up to a myriad of factors including but not limited to: genetic endowment intersecting sloppily with social constructs of beauty, psychological insecurity, people pleasing tendencies, hopeless romanticism, navel grazing, a history of male relationships wherein how much I felt loved grew in direct proportion to how much the number on the scale dropped (husband, father, and so on), and other equally as mundane and unoriginal things.

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