Tag Archives: God
refuge heart
my old friend
back again I seek your warmth
lost in green pasture dreams
between screams
I find refuge in your heart
THE CURSE
EMOTE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
I’m a believer and I believe, oh
I do believe, I do. Nonetheless, it seems
I can’t stop the
overflow from this guttural heart,
the incessant CURSING, it is like
a curse, it really is.
OH GOD, that’s what I say all day,
all night, OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD
PLEASE.
HELP.
ME.
And then, I sit down, alone and quiet for the first time
in 24 solid gold hours on
a cheap stained couch, yearning and I mean YEARNING for
some sort of literary release, that profound moment
that I am we are always searching for, and all
I can think, on repeat, is
this
one
line:
EMOTE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!
It figures, it really does.
I got a glimpse
I went to sleep last night cold and under covers, thinking
about the love of god, feeling it
tangible, present, soft breath on my face
air thick, terry cloth,
molecules dance in front of me, I
try to grab them.
I woke up late this morning, all the babies
awake in the other room, living, squirming and
keeping alive
soft air, not thick anymore — but oh —
that radiant sunlight– the aching,
the longing.
“its light get up its day time”
they said.
the hardest part
Sometimes I’m asked
“What’s the hardest part?”.
A funny question,
with a typical answer I suppose.
Here goes:
It’s not that he left.
It’s not that I’m alone.
It’s not that he’s having sex.
It’s not that I’m not.
It’s the house they’re compiling
(the decorations, the table, the bed).
It’s the discussions they’re having / the memories they’re unveiling / the plans they’re making.
It’s the cleanliness of childlessness… the seemingly easiness of it all.
(Although nothing is as sharp a sting as the potential for life they have at their finger tips. Amen?)
AND YET
when i really think about it, when i really s-t-r-e-t-c-h my grumpy mind around the empty space,
i twist open my clenched fists and raise my starfish-pink palms up to heaven,
and I find myself free and unwanting,
satisfied and satiated,
at the edge of a great vast blue nothing
ready to burst,
thankful for what I was able to leave behind
In tact, whole and new.
night
Why are you downcast, oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
I have a deep maddening desire to be creative again. It seems like I can barely get those words out of my mouth though; I have to pull each letter out one by one and they get stuck in my teeth.
Why does it hurt so much more some days? God?
Do you hear me God? It’s me, Liz.
