On medication
Not married
Not even really
Public yet
Money
Job?
Tag Archives: iphone notes
burn me
you burn me at both ends
I mean it’s sexy as fuck
but I’m tired of cleaning
wax off the floor
(written in the margins of a work notebook, on Dec 17th 2017, about you)
he is the walrus
Corner of Micheltorena and Sunset
8:29am, a Wednesday:
I do a double take
was that a man
or an actual walrus?
I wonder how long it’s been
since he’s had a proper fuck
was it in the backseat of a ’95 Seville
or was it in the basement
of his mothers house?
I want to ask him
but I wrote this instead.
not good at sharing
you say to cling but
I am going to cling hard
grasping at
the edges of your robe
a need fulfilled
biblical proportions
floods and lion’s dens
are y’all ready for this?
I don’t think you could be
even if you tried to be
I want to jump ship
your promise of love
a life raft?
a detour ?
historically speaking, this
doesn’t bode well
in our comedic tragedy
you can be the anchor and
I’ll be the seasick sailor
gripping the rails with
both hands
a hail mary chorus
praying for land
any land
any thing to stop the motion
the to and fro
just even for a
second
you are the defintion of steady
if I think about this too long
I panic
it is either all of us or
nothing at all
I am too hungry for only
part of you
I was never good at sharing
my beautiful sinking ship
I can see you walking
from a mile away
head down
speedy Gonzales
your body
a well oiled machine
better with age
better without
the violence
my beautiful sinking ship,
are you proud of me yet?
we broke up the first
time
the same week that
modest mouse
released their fourth album
it was called
‘good news for people who love bad news’
we were dissapointed
I listened to it ironically
while you booked a one-way
back to Colorado
an airplane instead of a
greyhound bus
I wrote
you a tear streaked letter
in my step mother’s office
in between piles of unopened mail
green ink dripping
off a yellow
legal pad
I followed
you, a crippled baby duck
enthusiastically
humiliated
vacillating between
bowed repentance and
animal screams
the illusion
of power
drained out of me
with surgical
precision
blood letting
it turned out
was your favorite sport
I get so dramatic in
hindsight
…
“stop thinking
love
is like a game of
chess”
I’ve been told this
more than once
but never by you
it makes the space
behind my eyeballs ache
all the time
we wasted
on
opposite sides of
the table
better apart for sure
but still
I finally understand
the annoying chess
metaphor
I learned this
by watching someone else
be in love
and talk in love
and do in love
and care in love
and care-less in love
and hurt in love
and disintegrate into nothingness
without it
always the bridesmaid
too smart for the ritual
that’s my conclusion
a flash of sunlight splinters
the train derails
and I see
it isn’t you
walking towards me
this time
iPhone notes 9/21-10/2
What is this strange feeling? I fear it may be… HAPPINESS
//
On payday:
Car registration
Sparklets
Pay ticket
//
“Everything’s a thing”
“Sister sad eyes, what brings you here today”
“This is getting weird, I never should have signed over the pink slip to my Volvo”
//
“Mom the Parmesan looks just like baby flies.” – clem
//
“The less my hope the hotter my love” -Terence the roman poet
//
“Love is sex without the money shot”
//
Couples
//
Halloween:
//
Netflix:
Keith Richards doc
Philomena
Jane ayre
Chefs table
//
Q: what do I do with my hands?
A: just put them inside her.
//
Write about that time I lied in second grade
//
Write about how I feel when I see wedding rings
//
GO AROUND HIM! GO AROUND HIM! THE FUCK? ARE YOU FOR REALS? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REALS??
IF YOU DONT WALK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IM GOING TO RUN YOU THE FUCK OVER (to an elderly woman with a service animal)
oh just fuck you and your pretentious fucking prius
(Things I said out loud while driving this week. problem?)
//
look up:
Desdemona
Loco Ono
//
Carol Rama “untitled” 1938-40
Jeffrey brown poet
William Carlos Williams, on the news and poetry
//
Dearest Lindsey,
Hello my lovely turtle dove. I am going to tell you some very special top secret things that I want you to keep in your pocket when you are away. Here we go:
1. You are SO BEAUTIFUL!
2. You are one of the most gracious women I have ever met.
3. You are an amazingly loyal and steadfast wife.
4. You are an ENDURING and PATIENT mother.
5. You make great kale avocado salad.
6. You always give me my favorite CocoMayan spice tea WHENEVER I ASK and you even bought me three boxes for my birthday.
7. You always call and check on me when I’m being a moody isolationist.
8. You have an incredible heart.
9. We have matching curly hair probs.
10. And matching YOU KNOW WHATS 😁
11. You are always kind and warm to me even when I don’t deserve it. Especially when I don’t deserve it.
I love you so much, literally with all my heart. I am so so sad to not have you in my life anymore in an immediate way. But I am also excited for your family and your future– your future as a mother AND your future as “Lindsey”, separate from your role as mother or wife. I believe in you and your talents immensely. Honestly.
I will think about you often and plan hypothetical trips to visit you at least twice a day for the foreseeable future.
Love, forever and ever, your best friend,
Liz
//
Booty LA @ the echoplex
Dance party extraordinaire
//
I want to claw my way back into the past
Is this true?
Maybe back to 1995
or something.
//
“Lying is a cooperative act”
//
“Love doesn’t depend on the other person, it depends on your imagination.”
iPhone notes sep 12- 20
things I’ve said this week, to myself:
I want to be one of the good ones
You know about my secret everything
I want to remember you
I want to be sweet
I have a headache, do you have a headache
How are you so always yourself
Acceptable
am I acceptable
are you acceptable
are WE acceptable
//
//
The letting go of things,
it feels like:
a headache
low blood sugar
death defying
ill-fitting socks.
//
Motherhood burns through me, like
battery acid on mid July
asphalt,
right down to
the core.
Oh
heart of wood,
are you petrified?
//
faces.
//
“I felt around in my heart and it was not so cold or so hard.”
//
Meeting downtown 1-3
Talk to Nathanial
Make a template
//
//
West coast- Coconut records
is this song nice or annoying
decide
//
Look up curly short ish hairz like Kiera knightly and T swift etc
//
Can I work until 6 on Thursday?
//
Things to google:
How to stay fit while “recovering”
How to deal with my crazed ovulation personality naturally
How to fix Clem’s chapped lips
//
//
things to help PMS; ovulation craziness, according to the internet:
Diindolylmethane/ DIM
spearamint tea
Magnesium
No animal products or high heat foods
Reishi mushrooms
IS THIS TRUE, RESEARCH
//
Ask JL about taking kids so I can go to San Diego on oct 3
//
I just want to be able to run again
Maybe I made a huge mistake.
