poetry

this is my process flow

Step 1:
get sick to
my stomach
with syllables

Step 2:
throw them up
five at a time

Steps 3 & 4:
avoid the silence /
forget how to
speak

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poetry

iphone notes Nov 2 – 7

“The left overs” HBO

//

Ted: “What do I want more of in my life?”

1. Exercise

2. Love

3. Alone time

4. Organization

5. Peace

6. Hikes

7. Kale

8. Contentment

9. Eating less

10. Guitar lessons

11. Sewing lessons

12. Personal growth

13. Friend time

14. Writing time

14.5 Time in general

15. Honesty

16. Kind words

17. Patience

18. Joy

19. Thrift stores

20. Record stores

21. Used book stores

22. Tea

//

“Look into your heart

what do you see there?”

//

Lassens:

Cod liver oil

Green tea

//

Renew ATTICUS work permit

Parent teacher conferences B and C

//

New food plan:

Stop coffee
nut butter
cashews

//

http://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/humans-of-new-york-and-the-cavalier-consumption-of-others

//

Research coffee consumption and blood sugar connection

//

Student loan

Parking ticket #1

//

hiking trails

Bronson

Runyon

//

Bars for dancing:

The Monty
Short stop
Honeycut (ask LT)

//

Look for a cover of the offspring

//

Lapsley — burn

//

Poet:
Sharon Olds

//

“Side note” isn’t one word it seems, who knew

//

Restaurants
Kush (echo park)

//

Sat:
Amazon crap
Marshals returns
Lindsey party
B soccer noon
Paint nails
Clean house w kids
Pay alls the bills
//

All I Want to do on this Day in November:

Is eat sour green apples

a melancholy,

dripping-wet

full body

defeat.

Is listen to that song

with the

bass line

that comes in

so sweet.

Is think about you

bad poetry

all day,

soft light

on repeat.

Is run

and run

and run

until this bitter

heart beats.

//

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iphone notes, poetry

iPhone notesĀ 9/21-10/2

What is this strange feeling? I fear it may be… HAPPINESS

//

On payday:

Car registration

Sparklets

Pay ticket

//

“Everything’s a thing”

“Sister sad eyes, what brings you here today”

“This is getting weird, I never should have signed over the pink slip to my Volvo”

//

“Mom the Parmesan looks just like baby flies.” – clem

//

“The less my hope the hotter my love” -Terence the roman poet

//

“Love is sex without the money shot”

//

Couples

//

Halloween:

//

Netflix:

Keith Richards doc

Philomena

Jane ayre

Chefs table

//

Q: what do I do with my hands?

A: just put them inside her.

//

Write about that time I lied in second grade

//

Write about how I feel when I see wedding rings

//

GO AROUND HIM! GO AROUND HIM! THE FUCK? ARE YOU FOR REALS? ARE YOU FOR FUCKING REALS??

IF YOU DONT WALK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IM GOING TO RUN YOU THE FUCK OVER (to an elderly woman with a service animal)

oh just fuck you and your pretentious fucking prius

(Things I said out loud while driving this week. problem?)

//

look up:

Desdemona

Loco Ono

//

Carol Rama “untitled” 1938-40

Jeffrey brown poet

William Carlos Williams, on the news and poetry

//

Dearest Lindsey,

Hello my lovely turtle dove. I am going to tell you some very special top secret things that I want you to keep in your pocket when you are away. Here we go:

1. You are SO BEAUTIFUL!

2. You are one of the most gracious women I have ever met.

3. You are an amazingly loyal and steadfast wife.

4. You are an ENDURING and PATIENT mother.

5. You make great kale avocado salad.

6. You always give me my favorite CocoMayan spice tea WHENEVER I ASK and you even bought me three boxes for my birthday.

7. You always call and check on me when I’m being a moody isolationist.

8. You have an incredible heart.

9. We have matching curly hair probs.

10. And matching YOU KNOW WHATS šŸ˜

11. You are always kind and warm to me even when I don’t deserve it. Especially when I don’t deserve it.

I love you so much, literally with all my heart. I am so so sad to not have you in my life anymore in an immediate way. But I am also excited for your family and your future– your future as a mother AND your future as “Lindsey”, separate from your role as mother or wife. I believe in you and your talents immensely. Honestly.

I will think about you often and plan hypothetical trips to visit you at least twice a day for the foreseeable future.

Love, forever and ever, your best friend,

Liz

//

Booty LA @ the echoplex

Dance party extraordinaire

//

I want to claw my way back into the past

Is this true?

Maybe back to 1995

or something.

//

“Lying is a cooperative act”

//

“Love doesn’t depend on the other person, it depends on your imagination.”

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iphone notes, lists, poetry

iPhone notes sep 12- 20

things I’ve said this week, to myself:

I want to be one of the good ones
You know about my secret everything
I want to remember you
I want to be sweet
I have a headache, do you have a headache
How are you so always yourself

Acceptable
am I acceptable
are you acceptable
are WE acceptable

//

   
   
//

The letting go of things,
it feels like:
a headache
low blood sugar
death defying
ill-fitting socks.

//

Motherhood burns through me, like 

battery acid on mid July

asphalt,

right down to 

the core.

Oh

heart of wood,

are you petrified?

//

faces.

//

“I felt around in my heart and it was not so cold or so hard.”

//

Meeting downtown 1-3
Talk to Nathanial
Make a template

//

//

West coast- Coconut records
is this song nice or annoying
decide

//

Look up curly short ish hairz  like Kiera knightly and T swift etc

//

Can I work until 6 on Thursday?

//

Things to google:
How to stay fit while “recovering”
How to deal with my crazed ovulation personality naturally
How to fix Clem’s chapped lips

//

//

things to help PMS; ovulation craziness, according to the internet:

Diindolylmethane/ DIM

spearamint tea

Magnesium

No animal products or high heat foods

Reishi mushrooms

IS THIS TRUE, RESEARCH

//

Ask JL about taking kids so I can go to San Diego on oct 3

//

I just want to be able to run again
Maybe I made a huge mistake.

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notes

iPhone notes late aug – sep 11

The name of my memoir should be “against my better judgement”
//
9405503699300131418490

//

Should i dye my hair this color?

//

The sun magazine

–> look it up

//

//
Appt:
Bruising ?

Hard to breathe feeling

BLOATING WTF, why do I look five months pregnant, google says this is a thing!?!

//
Remember to:

Sign kids up for school lunch

Pay Internet

Water power gas etc

UCLA form

Library fines
//
to look back at old

photographs,

It makes my stomach

turn.

to take new

photographs,

It makes my stomach

turn.

always

turning,

turning,

turning.

like tina.

like the byrds.

like the mother fucking chicken

I just killed for dinner.
//
“I don’t know everything but I know some things and one thing I know is that your brains are REALLY REALLY SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT. It sends notes to your arms, your legs, stomach, back, and all your body parts.” – Clem
//
I keep

Pushing your picture

Further and further away from

The present tense
//
Burroughs’s list for 2015-16 accomplishments:

1. visit Oregon

2. learn to snowboard

3. learn to golf
Clemmy’s list for 2015-16

1.go to the desert with dad

2.learn about the year 1968

3. Play the drums

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lists

a list of commands*

1. Go to bed!

2. Kiss me!

3. Get your brother off the table!

4. Put your hands on me!

5. Get me the peanut butter!

6. Make me some coffee!

7. Stop touching me!

8. Turn that up!

9. Turn that down!

10. Stay there/don’t stop!

11. Look at me!

12. Don’t look at me!

13. Leave me alone.

*the tension between myself as a mother and myself as a sexual being is so overt here now that I think about it.

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lists

a list of things currently on the floor of my car*

1. del taco wrappings

2. right shoe, size 6

3. sunflower seeds

4. empty kombucha bottle x3**

5. blueberries from maybe two, three days ago

6. baby food***

7. audio version of Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman

8. Ā one thousand crushed rice cakes

9. yoga mat, purple

10. book,Ā PinkaliciousĀ by Victoria Kann

11. favorite straw hat

12. mini soccer ball, yellow

13. receipt from del taco, separate trip from event #1

14. red and white straw, disconnected from associated cup

15. halloween pencil

16. blue crayon

17. bath toy from a del taco kids meal, a fish that squirts water

18. ice breakers gum

19. half eaten lara bar, apple pie flavor

20. tampon****

* children are disgusting. or maybe I am disgusting.

** 2 GT gingeraids and 1 Health Aid lemon-ginger

*** looks like vomit to the untrained eye

**** not used. yet.

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