iphone notes Nov 2 – 7

“The left overs” HBO


Ted: “What do I want more of in my life?”

1. Exercise

2. Love

3. Alone time

4. Organization

5. Peace

6. Hikes

7. Kale

8. Contentment

9. Eating less

10. Guitar lessons

11. Sewing lessons

12. Personal growth

13. Friend time

14. Writing time

14.5 Time in general

15. Honesty

16. Kind words

17. Patience

18. Joy

19. Thrift stores

20. Record stores

21. Used book stores

22. Tea


“Look into your heart

what do you see there?”



Cod liver oil

Green tea


Renew ATTICUS work permit

Parent teacher conferences B and C


New food plan:

Stop coffee
nut butter




Research coffee consumption and blood sugar connection


Student loan

Parking ticket #1


hiking trails




Bars for dancing:

The Monty
Short stop
Honeycut (ask LT)


Look for a cover of the offspring


Lapsley — burn


Sharon Olds


“Side note” isn’t one word it seems, who knew


Kush (echo park)


Amazon crap
Marshals returns
Lindsey party
B soccer noon
Paint nails
Clean house w kids
Pay alls the bills

All I Want to do on this Day in November:

Is eat sour green apples

a melancholy,


full body


Is listen to that song

with the

bass line

that comes in

so sweet.

Is think about you

bad poetry

all day,

soft light

on repeat.

Is run

and run

and run

until this bitter

heart beats.


iphone notes, poetry

iPhone notesĀ 9/21-10/2

What is this strange feeling? I fear it may be… HAPPINESS


On payday:

Car registration


Pay ticket


“Everything’s a thing”

“Sister sad eyes, what brings you here today”

“This is getting weird, I never should have signed over the pink slip to my Volvo”


“Mom the Parmesan looks just like baby flies.” – clem


“The less my hope the hotter my love” -Terence the roman poet


“Love is sex without the money shot”







Keith Richards doc


Jane ayre

Chefs table


Q: what do I do with my hands?

A: just put them inside her.


Write about that time I lied in second grade


Write about how I feel when I see wedding rings



IF YOU DONT WALK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IM GOING TO RUN YOU THE FUCK OVER (to an elderly woman with a service animal)

oh just fuck you and your pretentious fucking prius

(Things I said out loud while driving this week. problem?)


look up:


Loco Ono


Carol Rama “untitled” 1938-40

Jeffrey brown poet

William Carlos Williams, on the news and poetry


Dearest Lindsey,

Hello my lovely turtle dove. I am going to tell you some very special top secret things that I want you to keep in your pocket when you are away. Here we go:

1. You are SO BEAUTIFUL!

2. You are one of the most gracious women I have ever met.

3. You are an amazingly loyal and steadfast wife.

4. You are an ENDURING and PATIENT mother.

5. You make great kale avocado salad.

6. You always give me my favorite CocoMayan spice tea WHENEVER I ASK and you even bought me three boxes for my birthday.

7. You always call and check on me when I’m being a moody isolationist.

8. You have an incredible heart.

9. We have matching curly hair probs.

10. And matching YOU KNOW WHATS šŸ˜

11. You are always kind and warm to me even when I don’t deserve it. Especially when I don’t deserve it.

I love you so much, literally with all my heart. I am so so sad to not have you in my life anymore in an immediate way. But I am also excited for your family and your future– your future as a mother AND your future as “Lindsey”, separate from your role as mother or wife. I believe in you and your talents immensely. Honestly.

I will think about you often and plan hypothetical trips to visit you at least twice a day for the foreseeable future.

Love, forever and ever, your best friend,



Booty LA @ the echoplex

Dance party extraordinaire


I want to claw my way back into the past

Is this true?

Maybe back to 1995

or something.


“Lying is a cooperative act”


“Love doesn’t depend on the other person, it depends on your imagination.”

iphone notes, lists, poetry

iPhone notes sep 12- 20

things I’ve said this week, to myself:

I want to be one of the good ones
You know about my secret everything
I want to remember you
I want to be sweet
I have a headache, do you have a headache
How are you so always yourself

am I acceptable
are you acceptable
are WE acceptable



The letting go of things,
it feels like:
a headache
low blood sugar
death defying
ill-fitting socks.


Motherhood burns through me, like 

battery acid on mid July


right down to 

the core.


heart of wood,

are you petrified?




“I felt around in my heart and it was not so cold or so hard.”


Meeting downtown 1-3
Talk to Nathanial
Make a template



West coast- Coconut records
is this song nice or annoying


Look up curly short ish hairz  like Kiera knightly and T swift etc


Can I work until 6 on Thursday?


Things to google:
How to stay fit while “recovering”
How to deal with my crazed ovulation personality naturally
How to fix Clem’s chapped lips



things to help PMS; ovulation craziness, according to the internet:

Diindolylmethane/ DIM

spearamint tea


No animal products or high heat foods

Reishi mushrooms



Ask JL about taking kids so I can go to San Diego on oct 3


I just want to be able to run again
Maybe I made a huge mistake.


iPhone notes late aug – sep 11

The name of my memoir should be “against my better judgement”


Should i dye my hair this color?


The sun magazine

–> look it up


Bruising ?

Hard to breathe feeling

BLOATING WTF, why do I look five months pregnant, google says this is a thing!?!

Remember to:

Sign kids up for school lunch

Pay Internet

Water power gas etc

UCLA form

Library fines
to look back at old


It makes my stomach


to take new


It makes my stomach






like tina.

like the byrds.

like the mother fucking chicken

I just killed for dinner.
“I don’t know everything but I know some things and one thing I know is that your brains are REALLY REALLY SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT. It sends notes to your arms, your legs, stomach, back, and all your body parts.” – Clem
I keep

Pushing your picture

Further and further away from

The present tense
Burroughs’s list for 2015-16 accomplishments:

1. visit Oregon

2. learn to snowboard

3. learn to golf
Clemmy’s list for 2015-16

1.go to the desert with dad

2.learn about the year 1968

3. Play the drums


a list of commands*

1. Go to bed!

2. Kiss me!

3. Get your brother off the table!

4. Put your hands on me!

5. Get me the peanut butter!

6. Make me some coffee!

7. Stop touching me!

8. Turn that up!

9. Turn that down!

10. Stay there/don’t stop!

11. Look at me!

12. Don’t look at me!

13. Leave me alone.

*the tension between myself as a mother and myself as a sexual being is so overt here now that I think about it.


a list of things currently on the floor of my car*

1. del taco wrappings

2. right shoe, size 6

3. sunflower seeds

4. empty kombucha bottle x3**

5. blueberries from maybe two, three days ago

6. baby food***

7. audio version of Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman

8. Ā one thousand crushed rice cakes

9. yoga mat, purple

10. book,Ā PinkaliciousĀ by Victoria Kann

11. favorite straw hat

12. mini soccer ball, yellow

13. receipt from del taco, separate trip from event #1

14. red and white straw, disconnected from associated cup

15. halloween pencil

16. blue crayon

17. bath toy from a del taco kids meal, a fish that squirts water

18. ice breakers gum

19. half eaten lara bar, apple pie flavor

20. tampon****

* children are disgusting. or maybe I am disgusting.

** 2 GT gingeraids and 1 Health Aid lemon-ginger

*** looks like vomit to the untrained eye

**** not used. yet.

lists, poetry

A list of things wrong with my body

1. Tits are less perky than before*, ****

2. Hips have stretch marks*

3. Sides of my ass have scars **

4. I always want to be ten pounds less than I am***, ****

5. My nose could be daintier I suppose****

6. My hair is generally disobedient****



* side effect of having three children

** due to (previous) dull needle usage / an argument for a needle exchange program in San Diego county

*** Ā I have control / vanity issues maybe

**** I go back and forth on whether these value judgements I hold are subjective or objective but I chalk them up to a myriad of factors including but not limited to: genetic endowment intersecting sloppily with social constructs of beauty, psychological insecurity, people pleasing tendencies, hopeless romanticism, navel grazing, a history of male relationships wherein how much I felt loved grew in direct proportion to how much the number on the scale dropped (husband, father, and so on), and other equally as mundane and unoriginal things.


A list of good women I know

1. Lindsey

2. Caroline 

3. Jen

4. Elana

5. Carmella 

6. Sarey

7. Katy

8. Rebecca 

9. Pam

10. Laura*

11. Ali

12. Katie 

13. Robin

14. Megan**

15. Janelle

16. Shanda

17. Joy

* coincidentally the same Laura from a previous list; it turns out life is weird and traumatic and exquisite and profound all at once on occasion; I seem to find myself in the space where all these situations collide more frequently that most (perhaps)

** my mother